Andrew turned 16 at the end of February and is fairly independent when it comes to homework. In fact one of the things he said tonight was “you know….I don’t really remember you ever being on me to do my homework”. I told him it was one of those things that was his responsibilities and that it’s his job to do it and or suffer the consequences.
But that’s not what I wanted to write about.
I was in my bedroom on my laptop editing a one-page letter for my son Matthew when Andrew came and asked, “Are you working?” I told him I was working on Matthew’s letter and he said, “well, come do it over here with us”. A little later, he came in the room and laid down on the floor next to my bed (where I couldn’t see his face) and he said he was losing his integrity. The first thing I wanted to say was “well, it’s those two guys you’ve been hanging around”, but luckily I remembered that if I wanted any kind of chance at influencing him, I needed to try to understand what he was feeling.
So, instead I asked, “What do you mean?” He went on to explain that he was behind with his homework, that he had started cussing with certain friends, and then continued with all I know is that “good guys finish last”. Again, I was like “what do you mean?’ He said, “well, that’s not necessarily my point of view, but it’s what I hear.” “Do you believe that? Is that what you want to be known for? Is that your goal?”, I asked (no….not all in a row!).
We then started talking about the week. Sunday night we staying up really late. Tuesday we went to my nieces birthday party and got home really late and Wednesday, last night, we went out to dinner at Benihana’s to celebrate our last dinner with Joshua, my oldest son who was on leave from the Army. He left today….
This made him realize he was exhausted and that he had not been getting enough sleep. He snuck out of my room without much fanfare and I focused on the letter.
When I was done, I went to the kitchen where they were doing their homework and sat at the table and started flipping through catalogs. There was the occasional “How do you spell _______?” I was impressed that he was doing his list of biology vocabulary words from memory with words like allele, genotype, phenotupe, homozygous, and heterozygous! He finished that, took out another assignment, finished that and before I knew it he had finished three! I then said, “You know what I feel good about…..that you want my presence”. He said, “It helps.” I told him, like I always do, when something hits me like a parenting lesson, “I hope you remember this for when you are a father". Don’t just yell out to your kids to do their homework. Go read a book near them.
Amazing how much our teenage boys want and need us!
SHARING IS CARING
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