Sunday, April 7, 2013

If you are not going to do it, don't bother asking...

A week ago, a mother in one of my classes asked to speak with me after the class to say it was really difficult to get her 13 year old daughter to talk.  Since the topic was the LoveCup, and since the daughter was in the room and heard the whole talk, I asked her if I could ask her how her LoveCup was.  The daughter agreed, so I said, "ok....so......How's your LoveCup?"  She said, "I don't know........."  I told her she was the only one who knew the answer to that question and proceeded to try to help her figure it out by asking her if it was down to her ankles....(nope)...or to the top of her head....(nope) or to her waist.....(nope).  "ok.....", I asked, "...is it above or below your waist?"  She said it was above her waist to which I said, "that's great!  But what I want to know today is if there is anything your mom can do to fill it up a little more."  She said, "I don't know....."  "ok......do you like to bake?"  "No....", she said.  "ok....do you like to shop for clothes?", I asked.  "no.....", she said.  "ok....what do you like to do?" I asked.  "I like to play video games" she said as she lit up!  "oh......." I said, "would you like your mom to play video games with you??  "Yes", she said as she nodded enthusiastically. 

The mom who was standing next to her said defensively, "I've played with you before....."

"Wait......", I said, "she just gave you a very important piece of information.  She just told you what you can do to fill her LoveCup.  We're not saying you've never played with her."  "Oh....ok, I get it" said the mom.


So today....when I saw the mom, I asked her enthusiastically if she had played with her daughter?!  "Well, kind of...not really...ok, no....I didn't....", she said.  I could barely believe what I was hearing.  I proceeded to suggest she say something along the lines of the following to her daughter:  Mija (my daughter), I messed up...you told me something I could do to fill your LoveCup and the whole week went by and I didn't sit down to do that with you.  Can you give me another chance?  But this time, let's set a deadline and a consequence for me.  So, let's choose a deadline and let's choose a consequence for me.  So, if by Sunday night at 9pm, I have not sat down to play with you, I will give you $30.  The goal is to sit down with her to play video games, not to pay the $30.

SHARING IS CARING

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