"the Ultimate Sin"

The following is from an article in the Harvard Business Review.  "No, our manager committed the ultimate sin: he didn’t respect or stand behind his employee."  The article is titled: HBR's Redeeming Yourself After a Leadership Disaster.

Sometimes, we parents commit the ultimate sin and we, too, need to redeem ourselves.  In this case, the employee lost trust in his manager and that's exactly what happens with us and our kids.  They no longer trust us.  Here are a few of the ways we lose trust

• we promise to take them to the park, but because it's raining, we say we can't now.
• we say they can go outside after they do the dishes and when they finish, we think of something else.
• in our quest to be efficient, we put other priorities before our kids which results in us being late to things related to them.
• we borrow money from them and don't pay them back.
• we are not consistent with enforcing consequences, i.e., we are not firm...therefore we are weak/wishy washy and they learn they can't lean on us...they can't trust us.

Avoid doing these things and you won't have to redeem yourself later. Instead of that, do this:

• if you do not want to go to the park if it's raining, say: we'll go to the park if it doesn't rain.
• if you said they could go outside after the dishes were done, keep your promise.  If you remember you need something else done, do it yourself, or offer them something in return for the extra chore.
• if you made your kids late or picked him up late, apologize, like this:  "I'm sorry I was late, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
• if you borrow money, agree to the repayment terms...pay them interest.
• if you agreed to a consequence, be firm...just like a coach, e.g. if you miss 2 or more practices, you can't play in the game.  If you need help being firm, agree to a consequence for yourself if you give in to them.  Like this: "OK, so we set a consequence for you, now I need to hold you to it.  Since I have given in, in the past, I'm going to agree to a consequence if I give in.  If I give in, I agree to buy you each a $30 toy. " 

It's all about respect.  The old saying of "give respect to get respect" is very true. 

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