Monday, May 13, 2013

Smile / Sonríe

I bet you this will not only make them smile, it'll make them want to eat it!
Te apuesto que no solo van a sonreír, se lo van a querer comer!
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Saturday, May 4, 2013

'see....no one can change' a 16 yr high school student

'see...no one can change....'  This is what Luis, a 16 old boy said during my meeting with him and his parents. 
We were trying to come up with a consequence to help him go to school, i.e., not cut class. 
But those words are what struck me.   He learned this from someone / somewhere.  My question to you is: Do you believe you can change? 
If we believe we can't change, our kids will believe they can't change.  A lot of us believe we can't do anything about what happens to us in life so the coping strategy we adopt is to accept whatever life throws at you.  You may as well be a dart board and just sit there and take it. 
The worse part about our bad habits is that we are always teaching our kids...whether we mean to our not.  And I don't know about too, but I don't want my kids to feel helpless....like a dartboard.
This kid literally felt he could not change.  He had been led to believe he could NOT change.  
We struggled a lot to find a consequence that would motivate him to get up! And get to school and go to class! 
I'm happy to report he succeeded!! He got up this whole week and went to his classes... :)
I should also share that his father also agreed to a consequence.  The goal for him was to stop waking his son up. 
Oh....and by the way..every time you wake up your child, this is the message you are sending:   You are not capable of getting up on time.   You can't change.  You'll forget.  You are incompetent. I don't trust you (to get up).
Oh my goodness.......so by waking them up I am teaching them they can't change....
Yes...and a  lot of other negative things.
So,.yes, it is possible too change.   Can you imagine playing a video game with your son or daughter and having fun?!!!

 
SHARING IS CARING

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Friday, May 3, 2013

So sad....

A mom told me today:  My oldest son was told, "sell drugs for us or we’ll beat you up”.  The son answered, “fine, beat me up…I’m not selling drugs.”  

 A mom:  "I want the police to check the security guards at the schools...they are the ones with the drugs."

 I asked a 16 year old, "how many people would you say use drugs in your school?"  Answer:  "80-90%


SHARING IS CARING

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Monday, April 22, 2013

Hiking and Your Chlld's Self-Esteem





DID AN AMAZING HIKE TODAY!   HIKING IS ONE OF OUR FAVORITE FAMILY ACTIVITIES.  MY GOAL WHEN MY SONS WERE LITTLE WAS TO TEACH THEM TO APPRECIATED NATURE AND APPRECIATE SPENDING TIME TOGETHER.  WHAT OCCURRED TO ME TODAY WAS THAT IT’S A GREAT WAY TO BOOST KIDS’ SELF-ESTEEM….ACTUALLY ANYONE’S SELF-ESTEEM!  WHEN A LITTLE 8 YEAR OLD GIRL, FOR EXAMPLE, DOES A CHALLENGING HIKE, SHE WILL FEEL GREAT ABOUT BEING THE ONE WHO WAS ALWAYS IN FRONT, OR BEING THE ONE WHO RAN CIRCLES AROUND HER PARENTS.  WHEN SHE GOES TO SCHOOL THE NEXT DAY, SHE WILL ALSO HAVE SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT……“WE DID THIS REALLY HARD HIKE….!”  JUST GETTING TO THE TOP OF THE HILL CAN MAKE HER FEEL PROUD OF HERSELF AND GOOD ABOUT NOT QUITTING EVEN THOUGH IT WAS HARD!!  THE OTHER GOOD THING IS THAT WE PARENTS CAN’T HELP THEM…EVEN IF WE WANTED TO….I KNOW I WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO CARRY AN 8 YEAR OLD.  ANYWAY, HERE ARE PICTURES OF THE HIKE I AM VERY PROUD OF HAVING DONE!  FOR MORE PICTURES:  
CLICK HERE FOR MORE PICTURES OF MISSION PEAK HIKE


FOR MORE INFO ON MISSION PEAK
 
SHARING IS CARING



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Friday, April 19, 2013

"Like" if you've been to the moon! and share your memory...


This brings back such a fun memory.  Andrew, who was about 6 yrs old, made a rocket.  OK, I mean he got inside a big box he put in the living room and then asked me if I wanted to go with him to the moon.  I said, “yeah, sure!”  To which he answered, “well then, get in here!”  So I got in and laid down next to him.  He started the countdown in his official sounding voice and then said “Blast off!!”.  He then started to shake the box and make rattling noises. And then without missing a beat….he gave me the look.  The look of “hello??  Get with it…we’re in take-off……”  
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What does Sergio Romo have to do with your kids and communication?


I gave a parenting class today at a middle school – the topic was communication.  The idea is that we all want to be able to influence our kids, meaning we would like to know how.  Aside from wanting them to do what we want, we would like for them to be open to our advice, suggestions and great wisdom.  The trick is making sure they don’t “close the door” on us.  In the class we reviewed all the communication strategies that don’t work and which only result in our kids “closing the door” but let’s get straight to the good part!  Let’s look at what works.

To know how to influence someone, actually anyone, it’s a good idea to remember what we all want.  In my opinion, we all want 3 things.  We want to belong, we want to be loved and we want to be understood. 

One of the great secrets to influencing someone, is to focus on understanding them, i.e., seek to understand.  This is not easy, because when we have some great pearl of wisdom or some great piece of advice, we can hardly wait to share it, to convey our message, to explain what we have to say.  But I just said that what we all want is to be understood, right?  So if we are focused on sending our message, we are not focused on receiving the message from our kids so they feel understood.  Since the SF Giants won last year, I’m going to use a baseball example (and no, I don’t know much about sports).  

Focusing on sending our message is like wanting to be like Sergio Romo, the pitcher.   However, to influence our kids, we need to make sure they feel understood.  What I am saying is that we need to be more like Buster Posey, the catcher!  I know…it’s not easy.  Who wants to be squatting for hours and who wants to be on the receiing end of a ball that’s coming at you at 90 mph.   
 No, it’s not easy to hold back on giving your advice, your suggestions and/or your wisdom.  We all want to go first….not second.  But we already have lots of experience with all the strategies that don’t work, so let’s try something different. Let's focus on "catching" (hearing/understanding) their message, first. These are not easy concepts, but they are effective. 
 
SHARING IS CARING






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Monday, April 15, 2013

12 Most Uplifting Words and Phrases to Keep Handy and Ready to Use


To me, the phrases below epitomize self-love.  Self-love is having compassion with oneself and figuring out what we need, physically, emotionally, spiritually and making sure we get what we need, like say....sleep, for example!

And..... we all know by now that we can't love others if we don't love ourselves.  


Plus, substitute "you're" for "I'm" and you can use these phrases on your kids!


1. “We’re all learning”

2. “Get over it; move on”
3. “You’ve got this”
4. “I can”
5. “I’ll get there”
6. “Well done!”
7. “I’m making progress”
8. “Keep going”
9. “One step at a time”
10. “I’m worthy”
11. “I’m special”
12. “I’m loved”




12 Most Uplifting Words and Phrases to Keep Handy and Ready to Use:

SHARING IS CARING

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