Monday, September 9, 2013

"This" is an example of a fit....don't let it scare you.


"This" is an example of a fit....don't let it scare you.  It's just a strategy and kids keep using the strategy cuz it works!

This mom called in May asking for help because she was having trouble getting her daughter to go to school.  I told her to go to the parenting classes.  She didn't.  She called me last week saying her daughter wouldn't go to school and that she had had to meet with the principal.  The principal told her it was her responsibility to get her daughter to go to school and that if she didn't, her other kids could be taken away.

The mother told the daughter she had to go to school and that if she didn't go to school, that she (the mom) would take the router and there would be no wi-fi at home.  The daughter did not go to school; the mother took the router.  The daughter threw a fit....a really bad fit.  She went into a rage, broke things, told her little brothers and sister that she hated them and that she was going to kill them and that she was going to kill her mother when she got home from work.  The brothers and sister went to school and told their teachers; they were scared.  The teachers called the mom and the mom was able to explain that she was having a fit because she didn't get her way.

I saw the mother and daughter that afternoon and told the mother she had done the right thing.  Today, the mom called me again saying the daughter didn't go to school.  I asked her if she had taken the router again.  She said no...that she was afraid of the rage.  My question for you is: Who is running the show?

Do you see why they keep using the strategy? It's not cuz they are bad kids, it's because it works!  In fact, it's very effective.  On most parents it works almost everytime.  The problem is we are teaching them to be manipulative, intimidating and to not care about anyone but themselves.  People who never leave this stage, which by the way, is appropriate for ages 0-4 are not capable of caring about others.

I don't know about you, but that is NOT the goal. When my youngest son, Andrew was three, my oldest son, Joshua told me: "Mom, you must hate Andrew.  You let him get away with nurder, you are creating a monster and no one is going to like him."  That was my wake-up call.

SHARING IS CARING

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