I WANT TO! / I GET TO! / I CHOOSE TO

My sons have been a continual source of lessons for me.  The other day, Matthew surprised me by something he said.  We were in the middle of a movie when the clock struck 9:00pm.  He got up, almost abruptly, and said “I get to go to bed now!” 

I’ve always been the type of person who likes to stay up.  I enjoy that quiet time, but I also now know that staying up is not a healthy habit.  And if I think about it, I’m not at my peak…how could I be?   I’m tired.  The next day we talked about what he said and he said that for him it’s not about having to go to bed.  He said he looks at going to bed as one of the things he gets to do after a long day.  He gets to rest! 

This made me think about some of the self improvement things we’ve all read or heard like:

I “want to” do something vs. I “must do” something

I “get to” do something vs. I “should do” something

I “choose to” do something vs.  I “have to” do something

Let’s think about why or how this would help us and/or our children.  The first thing that jumps out at me is how positive the statements on the left are!  

I believe the statements on the right are responsible for a majority of the procrastination we do.  The statements on the left implicitly remind you of the goal. Simply saying the words “want to” may in turn be a reminder to you that in doing this you will achieve a higher goal 9e.g., if I got to sleep early then I will be able to be at my peak the next day.  And as we’ve all heard, words are powerful and just saying you want to do something is a self-fulfilling prophecy.    “I get to do something” instantly makes it seem like you are rewarding yourself.   It reminds you of the blessing of being able to do that which you “get to” do, like just walking as your form of exercise.  In my mind I “choose to” appeals to our sense of independence.  We’re not doing it because someone is telling us to do something, we don’t feel forced to, we are choosing between two options.  I think people want to do the right thing, including our children.   

My main point is that if this negative phrasing/language is destructive and keeps us from accomplishing our goals, let’s give our children a head start and train them to eliminate this type of language now. 

Also, the wonderful thing about teaching children something is that they do not let you forget and later they’re teaching you the same thing!!!