The Secret to Good Grades

Good grades seem to be what every parent worries about most. We all want our kids to succeed and whether we did good in school or not, we understand the importance of getting good grades.

My first encounter with this was when my oldest son, Joshua, was in high school. Here he was, a brilliant young man in 10th grade and he was failing.....I mean getting Ds and Fs. The same teachers that were giving him those grades were telling me how much they enjoyed his classroom participation and how insightful he was. I knew those grades did not reflect his ability. We all know that. We know how smart our kids are. We know how many facts they can remember. I remember him knowing every fact of at least 100 Pokeman. We know how mnay lyrics they can memorize. We know how many commercials they can recite word for word. These days our kids get labeled ADD or dyslexic at the first sign of mixing up some letters (OK, I know I'm exagerating) and we fall for it. We have strengths and weaknesses. None of us are great at everything. Yet when it comes to grades, we want our kids to excel in every subject. No, I'm not providing you with yet another reason to expect less of your kids or another reason to justify their poor grades. Before I tell you the secret, I'm just wanting to remind you to have a little more compassion for your kids - accept them as they are.....in a way, it's part of the secret.

So, what is the secret? The secret is to good grades is having a full love cup. In my opinion, grades are more about motivation than about ability. In Joshua's case, he just wouldn't do his homework and if he did, he would forget to turn it in. At first glance, this seems incomprehensible, yet when we think about it for a bit, I'm sure we can all relate to just not being motivated enough even to do those things which we know will hurt us if we do not get them done. So, in terms of good grades, the question we should be asking is: How do I motivate my child? To me this is paramount because as they grow up and get jobs, etc. they will need to know how to motivate themselves.

So...how do you motivate your child? The answer is very simple, make sure their love cup is full and/or overflowing! Focus on making sure they feel loved, which means making sure they know you accept them just as they are. Make sure they know you love them regardless of what their grades are.

Some parents will argue that that would be rewarding a bad behavior. The only thing I can say is that what you have been trying hasn't been working which is why you're still looking for a solution. And if what you have been trying hasn't worked, why not try something different.

Joshua, by the way, graduated from college in June 2008 with a very high GPA.

The Love Cup is Now Available!

Buy a Love Cup!





Each mug comes with the following insert:


Love is something we all want and need. I like to think we all have a love cup. When it's full, we are kind, considerate, motivated, funny and have enough to share with others. When it's empty we are mean, selfish, rude, not motivated, get angry easily and feel miserable. Our kids are no different. If they toddlers, for example, they throw temper tantrums. I challenge you to see beyond the behavior in your children, spouse, partner, co-workers, parents, friends, etc., and see that the real problem is an empty love cup.


"How's Your Love Cup?" is a tool that can be used to assess how your loved ones are doing/feeling. The first time I used it on my oldest son he was five and his answer was "it's down to here!" while pointing to his ankles - he was not having a good day. I proceeded to say "Oh! well then you need some hugs and kisses!.....now where is it?" "Now it's up to here" and he pointed to his stomach. That meant he still wanted more hugs and kisses. After a few more, I asked again "where is it?" "Up to here", he said with a big grin as he pointed to his neck. Now, my kids use it on me! When I'm not being nice (which has been known to happen on rare occasions), they'll say "Mom, your love cup must be empty!" and they'll proceed to ask if I need a hug. So, go ahead and use this mug to remind you to check how your loved ones are doing. By the way, in my opinion, this is the solution to bad grades.

Feel free to share your success stories with me at: howsyourlovecup@comcast.net


Everyone who has tried it says it works like magic on both adults and kids alike.

Each mug is $9.95 + S&H

To order, email your request to: howsyourlovecup@comcast.net

Please include the quantity, your name, mailing address and email.

You will then receive an invoice from PayPal, informing you of your options on how to pay.

The mugs will be shipped to the mailing address you provide.

Note: All proceeds will go to a charitable cause. The current cause is building wells in Mozambique in June 2009.

Thank you for sharing my vision to make this world a better place - both in your sphere of influence and across the world!

A Great Way to Check in with your Teenager

Last night (which is what I think finally motivated me to get this up) I asked Andrew (my 13 year old), "So, how's your love cup?" He smiled and said, "Hmmm....I'd say it's up to my shoulders." "Your shoulders, ay? so it's good..." He answered with a sly smile, "Yeah, it's good, but there's always room for improvement."

It's a great way to check in with someone, anyone. It's kind of like asking "How are you", but really meaning it.

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First time blogger...yeh! I did it - was a bit nervous about doing this, but here it is! I am first and formost a mom - I do a lot of other things, but I like to think my kids come first.

So, the goal of my blog is to share ways that I've filled my children's love cup, share how they fill mine (i.e., brag about my kids) and to hear how you have used this idea of filling someone's love cup to make this world a better place.

How's Your Love Cup? What! What do you mean how's my love cup? OK, let me explain. We all have a love cup and when it's full, life is good. We're motivated, we're excited about tomorrow, we do our best, we have peace, we smile, we're nice, we share.

When it's empty, we're not so happy or fun to be around. We're not motivated, we do the absolute minimum, we might feel jealous, we're rude, we're inpatient, and we might even be critical of others or throw temper tantrums. (I know, I know, this doesn't happen too often, and not to us.)

My oldest son was 5 years old when I first explained this to him. I then asked him, "So, how's your love cup?" He bent down, touched his ankle and said, "down to here...". I picked him up and told him his love cup was empty and it needed filling up with hugs and kisses. After about a minute, I asked again and with a mischievious look, he pointed to his stomach and said, "now it's to here". I told him it was still too low, that it needed to be filled up more. After about another minute, I asked again and this time it was up to his neck.

I point out the 1 minute, because that is literally how long it takes. 1-2 minutes and you're looking at someone with a full love cup. Many times, we or our children are running around on empty and we don't even know what's wrong. And as know, children, and we (although we would never admit it) will do whatever it takes to get our attention (attention = love in their mind). When they are 2 or 3 years olds, this happens most often in the form of a temper tantrum. My challenge to you is to be remembered for filling their love cup, not for emptying it. Pick that kid up and start hugging and kissing them and tell them you're filling their love cup, that you hadn't realized it was empty! They will love it, you will love it and you'll see it's like magic.