Saturday, April 13, 2013

10 Steps to a Remarkable Family Culture



It’s all about company culture these days…let’s create a family culture!  Here’s how…
  1. Define your core values, i.e., never sacrifice quality (no short cuts), always do the right thing (even if it means paying more for a movie for your kid),
  2. Get in the Dunk Tank (hello….have fun with your kids!!!)  If not, the routine of waking up, eating, getting ready for school, school, homework and getting ready for bed will go on and on and on…
  3. Show your kids you care (really)…by not being late to pick them up, or by sitting down to listen to them tell you about their day.
  4. Hire for culture “fit”.  We can’t decide to hire or not hire our kids, but we can involve them in coming up with the family mission statement (the what) and core values (the how)…both of which are powerful “guiding lights”.
  5. Get rid of whiners….we can’t get rid of our kids, but we can get rid of their whining by saying “stop whining….tell me what you want”.
  6. Contribute to your local community.  Kids love to participate in school/park “clean-up” days, or homeless shelters parents.
  7. Get their feedback on what is working and what is not.  It’s called evaluate… J
  8. The power of praise…don’t underestimate it...”catch them doing good”.
  9. You are a teacher…better yet…a coach!  Inspiring and motivating them to do more than they ever thought they could.
  10. Commit to your higher purpose, i.e., your family mission statement.    http://www.inc.com/allison-fass/paul-spiegelman-build-remarkable-company-culture.html
SHARING IS CARING

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30 Second Speech by Bryan Dyson – Former CEO of Coca-Cola


“Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them – Work, Family, Health, Friends and Spirit and you’re keeping all of these in the Air.
You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four Balls – Family, Health, Friends and Spirit – are made of glass. If you drop one of these; they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for it.”
Work efficiently during office hours and leave on time. Give the required time to your family, friends and have proper rest.
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Thursday, April 11, 2013

My middle son turns 20...

Thinking about the day Matthew was born.... April 10th....Matthew Barney's birthday. He turns 20 today.




SHARING IS CARING

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Sunday, April 7, 2013

If you are not going to do it, don't bother asking...

A week ago, a mother in one of my classes asked to speak with me after the class to say it was really difficult to get her 13 year old daughter to talk.  Since the topic was the LoveCup, and since the daughter was in the room and heard the whole talk, I asked her if I could ask her how her LoveCup was.  The daughter agreed, so I said, "ok....so......How's your LoveCup?"  She said, "I don't know........."  I told her she was the only one who knew the answer to that question and proceeded to try to help her figure it out by asking her if it was down to her ankles....(nope)...or to the top of her head....(nope) or to her waist.....(nope).  "ok.....", I asked, "...is it above or below your waist?"  She said it was above her waist to which I said, "that's great!  But what I want to know today is if there is anything your mom can do to fill it up a little more."  She said, "I don't know....."  "ok......do you like to bake?"  "No....", she said.  "ok....do you like to shop for clothes?", I asked.  "no.....", she said.  "ok....what do you like to do?" I asked.  "I like to play video games" she said as she lit up!  "oh......." I said, "would you like your mom to play video games with you??  "Yes", she said as she nodded enthusiastically. 

The mom who was standing next to her said defensively, "I've played with you before....."

"Wait......", I said, "she just gave you a very important piece of information.  She just told you what you can do to fill her LoveCup.  We're not saying you've never played with her."  "Oh....ok, I get it" said the mom.


So today....when I saw the mom, I asked her enthusiastically if she had played with her daughter?!  "Well, kind of...not really...ok, no....I didn't....", she said.  I could barely believe what I was hearing.  I proceeded to suggest she say something along the lines of the following to her daughter:  Mija (my daughter), I messed up...you told me something I could do to fill your LoveCup and the whole week went by and I didn't sit down to do that with you.  Can you give me another chance?  But this time, let's set a deadline and a consequence for me.  So, let's choose a deadline and let's choose a consequence for me.  So, if by Sunday night at 9pm, I have not sat down to play with you, I will give you $30.  The goal is to sit down with her to play video games, not to pay the $30.

SHARING IS CARING

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Friday, April 5, 2013

She gets my vote...

One of the things I would like to do is start a fund, which would be funded by donations from individuals and businesses alike.  The purpose of the fund would be to give away a mini get-away / vacation for a struggling family on a monthly basis.  My thinking is that it would be a way for us as a community to do something to help strengthen family bonds of families that are still together.  A lot of times there are resources for people after they separate or after they encounter a crisis.  In my mind, vacations are bonding experiences where parents can give their children their undivided attention, create lifelong memories, while getting refreshed and re-energized.

The point of this blog initially was to let you know who I would choose this month!  She is the mother of 5 children ages 8-18.  The three oldest are girls, 14, 16 and almost 18 and the two youngest ones are boys.  I have to say, I cannot imagine being in her shoes.  Her husband died about 5 years ago; her oldest daughter was 13.  A year later she was got involved with an older guy who a few years later started abusing her physically and emotionally.  It was so bad that the daughter ended up in the ER and the mother was able to get a restraining order.  The daughter, however, kept going back to him and if he hadn't been convicted and sentenced to four years in jail, she would probably still be with him.  While with him, they burglarized the house of the mother's friend.  The mother refused to be responsible for the restitution and is making the daughter responsible for it once she turns 18.

She has been coming to my parenting classes for about 2 months now.  Other things I know about her are that she always cooks dinner and insists on the family eating together.  She also seems to have a lot of structure, like not only laundry days, but sheets and comforter laundry days. Oh and did I mention her youngest son has autism.  Again....she gets my vote!

SHARING IS CARING

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Saturday, March 23, 2013

Are these words in your vocabulary? or your child's?



  • Luck
  • Enemy
  • Rejection
  • Hate
  • But


The article refers to business, but I believe it can be applied to families/children as well.
Words that create failure

SHARING IS CARING

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Friday, March 15, 2013

"That's a mere $24.44 a day!"

I've seen the breakdown of the cost of raising a child repeatedly (and am pretty sure it has doubled by now) but I had never seen this list of rewards....I enjoyed it and am thinking you might too!
The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 years old, and came up $160,140!
That doesn't even touch college tuition.
For those with kids, that figure leads to wild fantasies about all the money we could have banked
if not for those “Little Sweethearts”.
For others, that number might confirm the decision to remain childless.
But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down.
It translates into $8,896.66 a year,
$741.38 a month, or $171.08 a week.
That’s a mere $24.44 a day!
Just over a dollar an hour.
Still, you might think the best financial advice says don’t have children if you want to be “rich”.
It is just the opposite.
What do your get for your $160,140?
Naming rights. First, middle, and last.
Glimpses of God every day.
Giggles under the covers every night.
More love than your heart can hold.
Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
A hand to hold, usually covered with jam.
A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites,
building sand castles, and skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.
Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said or
how your stocks performed that day.
For $160,140, you never have to grow up.
You get to finger-paint, carve pumpkins,
play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs, and
never stop believing in Santa Claus.
You have an excuse to keep:
reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh,
watching Saturday morning cartoons,
going to Disney movies, and wishing on stars.
You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect
spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas,
hand prints set in clay for Mother’s Day, and cards with backward letters for Father’s Day.
For $160,140, there is no greater bank for your buck.
You get to be a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof,
taking the training wheels off the bike, removing a splinter, filling the wading pool,
coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins
but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.
You get a front row seat to history to witness the first step, first word, first bra,
first date, and first time behind the wheel.
You get to be immortal.
You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you’re lucky,
a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren.
You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications,
and human sexuality that no college can match.
In the eyes of a child,
you rank right up there with God.
You have all the power to heal a boo-boo,
scare away the monsters under the bed,
patch a broken heart,
police a slumber party,
ground them forever,
and love them without limits,
so one day they will, like you,
love without counting the cost.
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