About a year ago, I spoke to the mom of a 15 year boy. It went something like this: “I just don’t know what to do….he keeps forgetting to take the garbage cans out and then they are too full the following week, and that’s inspite of me reminding him all the time…what can I do?”
My first question was, “Does he know that’s his job?” “Well, yeah…well, I think so…..he has to know…but maybe not…I guess we never really told him that was his job…..” So, yes……Step 1 is to tell your kids what you want….in this case it’d be something like: I want you to be responsible for taking the garbage out every week, without being reminded. Step 2 would go something like this: And since you are not used to doing this, let’s set up a consequence so that you remember. Consequences help us remember…they help us choose….kind of how every time you see the amount of the ticket for going in the car pool when you are alone, you choose not to go there, i.e., you choose to keep your $387.00!
With kids, I think it’s always a good idea to brainstorm together on what might be a good consequence (teaches them to think and to negotiate). Plus, kids come up with the best ideas. In this case, he suggested that if he forgot to take the garbage cans out to the street and they weren’t picked up by the garbage truck, he would pay his mom $20.00. Since she knows money is very important to him she agreed to it. Today, that same mom told me, “he hasn’t forgotten since then!”
Imagine all the conflict/nagging that was averted by clearly telling him what she wanted.
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