Andrew turned 16 at the end of February last year ( I wrote this last year, but didn't post it.) and is fairly independent with it comes to homework. In fact, one of the things he said tonight was "you know...I don't really remember you ever being on me to do my homework". I jokingly said, "I already have a job". I told him it was one of those things that was his responsibilities...but that's not what I wanted to write about!
I was in my bedroom on my laptop editing a one-page letter for my son Matthew when Andrew came and asked, "are you working?" I told him I was working on Matthew's letter and he said, "well, come do it over here with us". A little later, he came in the room and laid down on the floor next to my bed (where I couldn't see his face) and he said he was losing his integrity. The first thing I wanted to say was "well, it's those two guys you've been hanging around!" but luckily I remembered my own advice that if I want any kind of chance at influencing him, I need to try to understand what he is feeling.
So instead I asked, "what do you mean?" He went on to explain he was behind with his homework, that he had started cussing with certain friends, and then continued with "all I know is that 'good guys finish last'". Again, I asked, "what do you mean?" He said, "well, that's not necessarily my point of view, but it's what I hear". "Do you believe that", I asked. Is that what you want to be known for? Is that your goal? (Those are standard questions! haha)
We then started talking about the week. Sunday night we had stayed up really late. Tuesday we went to my nieces birthday party and got home really late and Wednesday...last night, we went out to dinner at Benihana's to celebrate our last dinner with Joshua, my oldest son, who was on "leave" from the Army. He left today.
This made him realize he was exhausted and that he had not been getting enough sleep. He snuck out of my room without much fanfare and I went back to finishing the letter.
When I finished, I went out to the kitchen, where they were doing their homework, and sat at the table and started flipping though catalogs. There was the occasional "how do you spell ______?" I was impressed that he was doing his list of biology vocabulary words (from memory) with words like allele, genotype, phenotype, homozygous, and heterzygous! He finished that, took out another assignment, finished that and before I knew it he had finished three subjects! I then said, "You know what I feel good about....that you want my presence." He said, "It helps!" I then told him, I hope you remember this when you are a father. Don't just yell out to your kids to do their homework. Go read a book so you can be near them".
Amazing how much our teenage boys want and need us!!
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