"we're having sex".....WHAT?!!!!

A young mom with her 6 year old came in and sat down at the computer next to me while at Fedex this morning.  What I heard brought back a memory I’d like to share.  Her 6 year old son was clearly bored and was trying to “be good”.  The mother was using her calm exasperated voice with him.  He was trying to tell her something and she was not listening.   He then said something about spitballs.  The funny thing was that after a little while he asked, “what are spitballs?”

Andrew must have been around 5.  Andrew and Matthew shared a bedroom; their bedroom was just big enough for two twin beds to fit separated by a small side table.  Jacob, his cousin was over and they were playing when I noticed the “quietness”.  That moment when you realize you hear nothing.  I went to see what they were doing.  The were clearly startled which caused me concern, but I gingerly asked, “so what are you guys playing?”  “oh nothing...”, said Andrew as they squirmed and giggled.  “oh, come on…tell me!” I said.  “no….”, Andrew said with a shy laugh and nervously looked at each other.  After begging for them to tell me, Andrew finally said, “let’s tell her…”.  “ok, tell me”, I said.  “ok, but promise you won’t get mad”.  {Geez! Just tell me already!}  “ok,……………………..we were having sex”, he said.  WHAT!!! I wanted to scream!!  But instead, I said in a very calm and non chalant voice, “oh?.......and how were you doing it?”, I asked.  “well, first we took off our clothes..then he got in Matthew’s bed and I got in my bed and then we wiggled all around” he said as he proceeded to show me how they wriggled all around.

Boy was I glad I controlled myself and asked how!

SHARING IS CARING

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Before class started the other day, I was talking to a 12 year old girl and her mom.  (Yes…..she brought her daughter to the class!  I love when both parents and child hear the same thing!)  The week before I had shared the LoveCup concept so I asked the mom if she had used it and if she could tell me about it.  She said she had used it with the 3 year old and that things had improved, but that she had not gotten herself to use it on her 12 year old daughter and she laughed nervously.   I said, “why don’t we ask her right now?”  I turned to the daughter and asked, “so…how’s your Lovecup?”  She said “to here” and pointed to her stomach.  I said, “oh, so it’s about half full?”  I told the mom, “ah ha! That means you have to fill it up when you get home!”  The mom said something that let me know she didn’t know where to start, so I asked the daughter: “what is something your mom could do that would fill it up?”  She said, “bake cupcakes with me.”  The mom then said, “she always wants to make cookies, but they have too much sugar”.  Her husband had just joined us and he chimed in by pointing out that here the daughter was telling her exactly how to fill her Lovecup and she was dismissing it and making an excuse that didn’t even make sense.  I told the mom that if I was the kid what would really fill my Lovecup was if I got a commitment on a timeframe for when we would make the cupcakes.  She then giggled and said, “ok, we’ll see….I guess we can make cupcakes…. if there’s enough time”.  I told her if I was the kid, that would empty my Lovecup because there is never enough time, other things always come up.  I told her that for my Lovecup to be filled, I’d need to hear something like “ok, we can make cupcakes, but I can’t go shopping to get what we need until Friday, but we’ll make them on Saturday.”   

"What do you mean?" One of my favorite questions....

Andrew turned 16 at the end of February last year  ( I wrote this last year, but didn't post it.) and is fairly independent with it comes to homework.  In fact, one of the things he said tonight was "you  know...I don't really remember you ever being on me to do my homework".  I jokingly said, "I already have a job".  I told him it was one of those things that was his responsibilities...but that's not what I wanted to write about!

I was in my bedroom on my laptop editing a one-page letter for my son Matthew when Andrew came and asked, "are you working?"  I told him I was working on Matthew's letter and he said, "well, come do it over here with us".  A little later, he came in the room and laid down on the floor next to my bed (where I couldn't see his face) and he said he was losing his integrity.  The first thing I wanted to say was "well, it's those two guys you've been hanging around!"  but luckily I remembered my own advice that if I want any kind of chance at influencing him, I need to try to understand what he is feeling.

So instead I asked, "what do you mean?"  He went on to explain he was behind with his homework, that he had started cussing with certain friends, and then continued with "all I know is that 'good guys finish last'".  Again, I asked, "what do you mean?"  He said, "well, that's not necessarily my point of view, but it's what I hear".  "Do you believe that", I asked.  Is that what you want to be known for?  Is that your goal?  (Those are standard questions!  haha)

We then started talking about the week.  Sunday night we had stayed up really late.  Tuesday we went to my nieces birthday party and got home really late and Wednesday...last night, we went out to dinner at Benihana's to celebrate our last dinner with Joshua, my oldest son, who was on "leave" from the Army.  He left today.

This made him realize he was exhausted and that he had not been getting enough sleep.  He snuck out of my room without much fanfare and I went back to finishing the letter.

When I finished, I went out to the kitchen, where they were doing their homework, and sat at the table and started flipping though catalogs.  There was the occasional "how do you spell ______?"  I was impressed that he was doing his list of biology vocabulary words (from memory) with words like allele, genotype, phenotype, homozygous, and heterzygous! He finished that, took out another assignment, finished that and before I knew it he had finished three subjects!  I then said, "You know what I feel good about....that you want my presence."  He said, "It helps!"  I then told him, I hope you remember this when you are a father.  Don't just yell out to your kids to do their homework.   Go read a book so you can be near them". 

Amazing how much our teenage boys want and need us!!