Tuesday, January 27, 2015

"gotta get in trouble so I can get help getting a job"



As told to me by a mom in my parenting class:

"My son really wanted a job, but he couldn't get one.  One day he told me he would have to end up in Juvenile Hall so he could get help getting a job.  The next thing I knew he was being charged with grand theft for stealing a car.  He now has a job and is back to doing great in school.  He was doing great before."

No Comment.


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“did I ever make YOU take out the trash?!”



Several people finished the series of parenting classes yesterday.  One couple had two boys – 9 and 6 years old.  The great thing is that both parents were there (that hardly ever happens).  Last week, they brought both boys to class so I was able to help them brainstorm on a consequence for taking out the trash.
Mom said the problem was the trash...that he kept forgetting to take it out.

Me:  Ok, so your mom says you keep forgetting to take the trash out.   Is that true?
Boy:  Yes.
Me:  Ok, so do you know what trash she's talking about?
Boy:  Yes...all the trash cans in the house..from the bedrooms, the bathroom, and the kitchen.
Me:  And do you know how often she wants it taken out? 
Boy:  Yes...twice a week.
Me:  Ok...so what days do you want to take it out on?
Boy:  How about Tuesdays and Saturdays.
Me:  Are you sure??  That's going to be really hard to remember.....how about if you do it everyday....so you get in the habit of doing it?
Boy:  NO WAY.....
Me:  Ok...let's set a deadline...how about by 8pm....on Tuesday and Saturday/
Boy:  OK.
Me:  Ok, so now let's think of a consequence to help you remember to take it out.  Remember, the consequence is not so that your mom can give you the consequence, it's to help you remember to take the trash out...so it has to be a really bad consequence...something you do NOT want. The goal is for you to remember, not for you to get the consequence. Any ideas?
Boy:  No......
Me:  How about if you forget.... you have to give your mom a 30 minute foot rub on each foot!
Boy:  NO.
Me:  Ok...is there something you really care about?
Boy:  My Kindle.....
Me:  Hmm...what about you have to give it to your mom for 2 days?
Boy:  Ughhh....
Me:  Ok...how about for just one day?
Boy: yYah...that's better...
Me:  I'm not sure that's a great one...how about something else...how about...if your forget to empty the trash cans, you have to wash them.
Boy:  YUCK.............yuck............my dad spits in the trash cans and they're gross!!!
Me:  Hmmmm.....looks like we found the perfect consequence....I don't think that with this consequence you're going to forget....Remember, the goal is for you to remember, not for you to wash out the trash cans.  What do you say?  Deal?
Boy: Deal.

This week, I asked mom how it had gone and she said Great!...with a big smile.  However, after the class, they stayed and asked if they could talk to me.  She shared mother (Grandma) had gotten really angry with her for making her son take out the trash.  Grandma said “did I ever make YOU take out the trash?!”  She said she had to hang up on her mom.......
 
Yes, unfortunately, these are the things we have to work against sometimes.  Boundaries....boundaries...the grandma is overstepping her daughter's boundaries and has probably done so all her life.  Whose kids' are they?
 

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Thursday, January 8, 2015

Being rich is not about how much you have, but about how much you can give.

Our kids are always watching and learning from us. I learned from my mother today. My mother needed to renew her California ID Card. My son Andrew took her at 10am but said he had to leave by 1pm. I figured that was plenty of time...but it wasn't. At 1pm, I was at the local DMV trading places with him. I sat there for about 15 minutes and realized we were going to be there at least 2 more hours. My mom said she was hungry and I had not brought my laptop so I told her I would go home, make her a sandwich, get my laptop and come back. I made two honey, peanut butter and apple sandwiches and wrapped each half in saran wrap, separately. When I sat down next to her, I gave her two wrapped halves (she didn't know I had another two wrapped halves in my bag). The next thing I knew she was handing a half to the lady next to her - almost as soon as she was receiving them from me. Everybody was starving. That lady proceeded to cut her half in half to share with her friend. I pulled out another half sandwich and my mom gave it to her.

This quote, by the way, says: Being rich is not about how much you have, but about how much you can give.

This is so incredibly deep, because the more we give, the more we get. One of the greatest laws of this universe is the law of giving. So, give what you have of your – time, money, smiles, love, compliments, anything. Give your kids the example my mom gave me and they will be on their way to being rich!



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