Flowers

Flowers

My favorite analogy for reminding parents that their children are all different from them and from each other is a garden. Every flower is different, and every flower is beautiful!
A child who feels accepted is a child with a full LoveCup.

To Believe in Your Children Believe in Yourself

I've been conducting parenting classes for the past 8 years.  Right now I have a class of about 25 parents, who all have teenagers who have gotten in serious trouble.  In the classes, we talk about how to talk so they listen, how to use consequences to stop being the enemy, how to motivate your kids to do their best, etc., etc.  And all that is good, but a couple of years ago, I started noticing that parents had lost hope.  They talked like it was hopeless, like their kids would never change.  I started asking parents if they really believed that.  And how they would feel if someone believed that about them. 

The new topic was Believe in Kids, but.....then I realized we had to go back one step further and help the parents believe in themselves.   Here are the affirmations I share with parents.  Start telling your brain you are an amazing parent; your brain will believe it.  Oh, don't forget to tell your kids they are amazing...they'll believe it too and more importantly, will start acting like it.

Affirmations for Parents



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Movies To Watch: Underwater Dreams and Spare Parts

One of our jobs as parents is to believe in our kids.  In my classes, I cover the typical things like Parenting Styles, Communication, Conflict Resolution, etc.  But what I have found is that parents need to reflect on what they believe about their kids.  If they have gotten in trouble with the law, or if their grades are not great, you may be questioning your kids' capabilities and even their intelligence.  Do not fall in that trap.  I repeat do not fall in the trap.  You know how amazing your kids are.  Do not judge them according to their current circumstance.  These two movies which are about the same story, except that one is the documentary and the other is the movie, are about inspiring kids to believe in themselves.  Just remember, they can't do that if you don't believe in them.


Underwater Dreams

It's the stuff of movies - four undocumented Mexican-American high school students enter a NASA-sponsored robotics contest and beat MIT and other prestigious universities. Yet the unlikely victory did not lead to a successful or lucrative future in the tech and science world for these students, mainly because they were constrained by their immigration status. Their fascinating story is the subject of a new documentary, “Underwater Dreams,” airing Sunday on MSNBC and Telemundo, as well as an upcoming Hollywood film.  Source:  article in Wire Magazine

Spare Parts
Four Hispanic high school students form a robotics club. With no experience, 800 bucks, used car parts and a dream, this rag tag team goes up against the country's reigning robotics champion, MIT.



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Love Denzel Washingon's Advice: Put God First. Say Thank you. Aspire to Make a Difference

 Watch it Here

“Put God First…Put God first in everything you do….everything that I have is by the grace of God.  It’s a gift….40 years ago, I was flunking out of college…I have kept God in my life.  I didn’t always stick with him, but he always stuck with me… Stick with God.”

“Fail BIG..that’s right.  Fail Big…take chances…don’t be afraid to take chances. Don’t be afraid to go outside the box.  Don’t be afraid to dream big.  But remember dreams without goals are just dreams…they ultimately fuel disappointment.  Have dreams, but have goals..Yearly, Monthly, Weekly, Daily.  Simple goals, but have goals.  To achieve these goals, you must apply discipline and consistency.  You have to plan every day.”   

“You’ll never see a U-Haul behind a hearse.  I don’t care how much money you make, you can’t take it with you.  It’s not how much you have, it’s what you do with what you have...help someone else.  That’s where the joy is…in helping others.”

“I hope you put your slippers way under the bed at night, so in the morning, you have to get down on your knees to get them and while you’re down there…say thank you.  Thank you for grace.  Thank you for mercy, thank you for understanding, thank you for wisdom, thank you for your parents, thank you for love, thank you for kindness, thank you for humility, thank you for peace, thank you for prosperity.  Say thank you in advance for what is already yours….True desire in the heart for anything good is God’s proof to you sent beforehand that it’s already yours….When you get it, reach back and pull someone else up.”

“Don’t aspire to make a living.  Aspire to make a difference.”


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we feel loved when we feel respected

Fill your teenager's LoveCup with respect...we feel loved when we feel respected.  Here is a conversation from a family coaching session.  The teen is a 17 year old male.  The parents are monolingual Spanish speaking.

 

Teen: I think they should let me wear what I want to wear.

Mom:  I don't like him wearing red.

Teen:  This isn't gang related. 

Me:  In your opinion, what would be considered gang-related?

Teen:  like a red rosary...or like red tennis shoes...

Me:  Hmmm...well, yes, parents need to give kids more autonomy in what they wear, but this is different.  So, let me just talk to you as if you were my son.  If you were my son and you wanted to wear red (and we lived in the zipcode where you live), I would say:  Son, I don't want you wearing red because I'm afraid you'll be confused with gang members and end up getting shot.

Teen:  But this isn't gang stuff.

Mom:  In juvenile hall, they put him with the gang group.

Me:  Well, I don't know anything about gangs, but since we're talking about life and death, I can't just take your word for it.  We need to ask someone.  Would you be ok with you and your mom asking someone like the principal or the police officers at your school if what you are wearing is gang stuff?  And....would you be ok with not wearing it if they say it is?

Teen:  yeah...that'd be fine...and ok....yeah.

Me:  Ok, so tomorrow, you, mom, need to go to school and find the principal or the police officers with your son and ask them if what you are wearing is considered gang-related or not?

Teen:  Ok.

One week later.....

Me:  So, how did it go?  Was it gang related or not?  (he wasn't wearing red)

Teen:  We didn't go.

Me:  Why not?

Teen:  Just cuz.....

Me: Hmmm....so you don't want to go ask? 

Teen: No...

Me:  Does that mean you are ok with not wearing red?  Are you sure?

Teen:  Yeah. 

Me: OK, so you are choosing to not wear what your mom considers dangerous.

Teen:  Yep.

 

I'm not even sure why I think this is showing respect, but I think it is. 


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"you can make me Oatmeal Chocolate Chip cookies"

"It's good like to my neck.
"Oh, ok..." This was the answer of my 20 yr old son when I asked:
1.  "How's your Love Cup?

"You can make me Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies." was his answer to:
2. What is one thing I can do to fill it up a little?

Regardless of what the level is, you can always add a drop.  So I made cookies!  And it took forever.......I told Andrew "that was like a liter!!"  We got a laugh out of it...my neighbor was joking he was probably drowning in love!

Just shipped some cookies off to Michigan and Maryland...filling his brothers Love Cups!


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"You can sit with me and hug me"

"You can sit with me and hug me while we watch TV." This was the answer a 7yr old boy gave his mom when she saw he was sad and asked:
1.  "How's your Love Cup?
2. What is one thing I can do to fill it up a little?

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"bien educado" = well-mannered

In Spanish, when we say a child is well-educated, we say “está bien educado” – what we mean is that child is well-mannered. The Hebrew word for “education” comes from a word that means “to build up” and “to begin.”   So to educate a child is to build up and to begin by laying the groundwork for the future.   In the past, most of the focus has been on building young children’s academic skills in an effort to ensure they are prepared for school.  In recent years, however, a growing body of research has demonstrated a strong link between young children’s social-emotional competence and their cognitive development, language skills, mental health and school success.   So what is this important foundation called social-emotional competence?

All the things that make one truly successful.  A person with an advanced degree, for example, without the following characteristics would not be considered a successful person.  A truly successful individual or one who is “bien educado” is one who has/is:

·        Self-Worth, Self-Respect, Confident, Motivated, Persistent, Hard Working, Positive Mental Attitude

·        Disciplined, Goal Setter, Decisive, Organized, Dependable

·        Humility, Learner

·        Compassionate, Loving, Enthusiastic, Patient, Empathetic

·        Communicator, Good Listener, Able to Resolve Conflicts,

·        Friendly, Good Humor,  

·        Honesty, Integrity, Loyal, Dedicated

The amazing thing is that these are all the things we, parents, can teach our children and which build them up while laying the foundation to ensure they are prepared to succeed in school and in their future career.  A good place to start is by reflecting on these qualities in ourselves because whether we like it or not, the most effective teaching strategy is our example. 

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"Our World is Officially Broken" - Will Smith

  

"Grades are getting low, the teens are getting high.  That 12 year old is pregnant and her parents wonder why.  A 1st grader is swearing, a 3rd grader has been raped.  Just take a look around you, isn't the system great?  Who isn't faded these days, teens are sending nudes, kids are getting beaten, the teachers see the bruises.  No calls for help are spoken, teens are smoking weed, young girls are cutting, this isn't what we need.  The marks of taunt and yelling, parents are divorced.  That 14 year old is drinking beer, this can't get any worse.  A little girl has killed herself, nobody seems to care.  Another kid has been expelled for a stupid dare.  But it needs to change.  Our world is officially broken.  It's time to take a stand; your thoughts need to be spoken."

It doesn't have to be like this.  This is why I do what I do.



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MicroSoft Gaming, Coding and Designing Mini Camp

YouthSpark Winter Camps- Smart Game Coding & Designing (Young Developers ages 11 to 13)

Events for Young Developers - Ignite your child's imagination with free camps that give students the chance to be creative with the latest technology

 

Date: Sunday, February 8, 2015

Time: 11:00 AM - 2:00 PM

Type: Office

Event details:

This camp has TWO sessions: Coding & Designing. Must stay for both to optimize best learning experience. *Create. Code. Play. Go behind the scenes and learn how to code, program, and play in your own gaming world. You’ll use kid-friendly programming to learn how creativity and problem solving come together to make something all your own. Campers will explore technologies like TouchDevelop and Windows App Studio, and become familiar with the coding environment, as they explore what’s possible when building an app. Camp curriculum designed for ages 11 to 13. Register today as camps fill up quickly. While your child is in camp, take a 30-minute course on topics such as online security, smart computing, and building a game with your child. The parent, legal guardian or authorized adult caregiver of every camp participant must remain in the Microsoft store for the duration of the event. *Design. Develop. Compete. Learn how to build, publish, and bring mobile games to life. Campers will learn how easy it is to code and create immersive customized game environments with Kodu and Project Spark. They will explore how to go beyond playing games with the strategy and creativity involved to design and develop games. Afterwards, they can even share them with friends and family. Camp curriculum designed for ages 11 to 13. Register today as camps fill up quickly.

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FREE 7 week Summer Camp at a local Tech Company like Facebook, Twitter, EA, Google, eBay, etc.

I just came across this.  There is a deadline and the application includes having to write an essay.  Please share.  These are the types of opportunities available to our teens right now, right here in our backyard.  The high school graduation rate in Hayward is 58%.  Help a young women see a reason to go to college!

What?  "Girls Who Code" 7 week Summer Program

•FREE

•No Prior Experience Needed

•for 10th and 11th grade girls

•Transportation money available for low-income students

•Deadline to Apply:  Feb 12

Girls Who Code is looking for passionate 10th or 11th grade girls in San Francisco Bay Area interested in computer science, web design or mobile development. Signups are open now through February 12.

 

The Girls Who Code Summer Immersion Program embeds 20 rising high school juniors and seniors inside a technology company or university setting from 9:00am - 4:00pm each day. Here, young women get hands-on experience in computing concepts, programming fundamentals, mobile phone development, robotics, and web development and design. Project-based curricular modules allow participants to build products and develop innovative solutions designed to inspire an interest in and encourage their pursuit of computer science.

 Daily classroom instruction is paired with talks, demos, and workshops led by inspiring female entrepreneurs, CEOs, developers, designers, and computer science majors who serve as mentors and role models throughout the program, each aligned with the subject matter discussed that week. Field trips to the tech giants such as Google, Facebook, Twitter, AT&T, Gilt Groupe, Foursquare, and the News Corp allow the young women to envision a future for themselves in this career and begin networking with those in the field.

The Girls Who Code Summer Immersion Program curriculum is designed and research-proven to engage and encourage young women in computer science. Each topic, activity and speaker is chosen to empower the young women with the skills to contribute to their schools and communities.

“Our support for this initiative represents our commitment to invest in, encourage and empower more women pursuing opportunities in technology.”—Dick Costolo, CEO, Twitter        

There’s no prior experience required, so true beginners are absolutely welcome!

Candidates who meet all of the following eligibility requirements are encouraged to apply. Applicants must:

1.Be a current sophomore or junior girl in high school.

2.Commit to attending the full 7-week long program in their respective location. The program runs Monday to Friday, 9am to 4pm daily.  Students unable to attend for the full duration of the program due to other commitments (e.g. other summer programs, vacation plans) are not eligible. No exceptions.

3.Participants must commute to and from the program every day. Girls Who Code will work with participants to coordinate transportation support as needed. Housing and travel considerations for non-local students are not provided.

 

 We value a diverse classroom and strongly encourage applications from:

1.All ambitious girls interested in exploring opportunities in technology and computer science.

2.Beginners Welcome! No prior experience in computer science required.

3.Girls from a various ethnic, racial, cultural and socioeconomic backgrounds. The program is free for all participants. Scholarship opportunities to cover transportation and lunch will be made available for students with limited financial resources

All ambitious girls interested in exploring opportunities in technology and computer science. Prior computer science experience is NOT required!

Girls of all ethnic, racial, cultural and socioeconomic backgrounds. The programs is free for all participants. Scholarship opportunities to cover transportation will be made available for students with limited financial resources.

EA will host one session this summer at the corporate headquarters in Redwood Shores - the closest location to Hayward, however the following companies are also hosting a 7 week session:

San Francisco Bay Area Locations:

 Adobe: 6/15/2015 - 8/7/2015

Adobe: 6/8/2015 - 7/31/2015

 GE, Intuit: 6/22/2015 - 8/7/2015

 EA, eBay, Moody's, Square, Microsoft: 6/15/2015 - 7/31/2015

 Google: 6/8/2015-7/24/2015

 Facebook: 6/15/2015 -7/31/2015 or 6/22/2015 - 8/7/2015

 Twitter: 6/8/2015 - 7/24/2015 or 6/15/2015 - 7/31/2015

 

Ready to apply? Visit www.girlswhocode.com/applynow.

 

Click on the "Sign Up to Start Application" Button

If you are interested in applying, watch this video from last year's program Girls Who Code Top 10 Application Questions (and Tips!)

 

Remember, signups close on February 12, so don’t miss out!

 

“Before joining this program, I basically knew nothing about computer science,” said 16-year-old Anah Lewi, student and one of the creators of Fit Me.

“Now I know Python, Javascript, some CSS, and HTML,” said Jocelyn Oquendo, the 16-year-old creator of Selfiesteem, an app that uses photography to help users improve their confidence. “I feel like I have that in the bag.” During the first week of the Summer Immersion Program, conducted inside AT&T’s New York City executive office in Rockefeller Center, the girls learned the basics of computer science with the programming language Python. The second week, they moved onto another programming language, JavaScript. Next, they worked on programming robots, mastering the JavaScript library jQuery (which was used to make their apps), and dabbling with HTML and CSS. Their summer was studded with field trips to hot tech spots around the city, including the AT&T AdWorks Lab, Google, and Foursquare. Women who work in the technology and engineering sectors met with them, too, like robotics engineer Sabrina Varanelli, who shared a story about working with a team of men and coming up with an ingenious use for nail polish in their project. “[The program] gave us enough basics so we can easily take what we learned and make something out of it,” said 16-year-old student Trinity Lawrence, one of the creators of Lit. “We have everyone’s contact info, and on the Facebook page they always post about hackathons and other events, so we can continue learning.”

http://www.thedailybeast.com/witw/articles/2014/08/27/at-t-gives-1-million-to-girls-who-code.html

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"gotta get in trouble so I can get help getting a job"

As told to me by a mom in my parenting class:

"My son really wanted a job, but he couldn't get one.  One day he told me he would have to end up in Juvenile Hall so he could get help getting a job.  The next thing I knew he was being charged with grand theft for stealing a car.  He now has a job and is back to doing great in school.  He was doing great before."

No Comment.


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“did I ever make YOU take out the trash?!”

Several people finished the series of parenting classes yesterday.  One couple had two boys – 9 and 6 years old.  The great thing is that both parents were there (that hardly ever happens).  Last week, they brought both boys to class so I was able to help them brainstorm on a consequence for taking out the trash.

Mom said the problem was the trash...that he kept forgetting to take it out.

Me:  Ok, so your mom says you keep forgetting to take the trash out.   Is that true?

Boy:  Yes.

Me:  Ok, so do you know what trash she's talking about?

Boy:  Yes...all the trash cans in the house..from the bedrooms, the bathroom, and the kitchen.

Me:  And do you know how often she wants it taken out? 

Boy:  Yes...twice a week.

Me:  Ok...so what days do you want to take it out on?

Boy:  How about Tuesdays and Saturdays.

Me:  Are you sure??  That's going to be really hard to remember.....how about if you do it everyday....so you get in the habit of doing it?

Boy:  NO WAY.....

Me:  Ok...let's set a deadline...how about by 8pm....on Tuesday and Saturday/

Boy:  OK.

Me:  Ok, so now let's think of a consequence to help you remember to take it out.  Remember, the consequence is not so that your mom can give you the consequence, it's to help you remember to take the trash out...so it has to be a really bad consequence...something you do NOT want. The goal is for you to remember, not for you to get the consequence. Any ideas?

Boy:  No......

Me:  How about if you forget.... you have to give your mom a 30 minute foot rub on each foot!

Boy:  NO.

Me:  Ok...is there something you really care about?

Boy:  My Kindle.....

Me:  Hmm...what about you have to give it to your mom for 2 days?

Boy:  Ughhh....

Me:  Ok...how about for just one day?

Boy: yYah...that's better...

Me:  I'm not sure that's a great one...how about something else...how about...if your forget to empty the trash cans, you have to wash them.

Boy:  YUCK.............yuck............my dad spits in the trash cans and they're gross!!!

Me:  Hmmmm.....looks like we found the perfect consequence....I don't think that with this consequence you're going to forget....Remember, the goal is for you to remember, not for you to wash out the trash cans.  What do you say?  Deal?

Boy: Deal.

This week, I asked mom how it had gone and she said Great!...with a big smile.  However, after the class, they stayed and asked if they could talk to me.  She shared mother (Grandma) had gotten really angry with her for making her son take out the trash.  Grandma said “did I ever make YOU take out the trash?!”  She said she had to hang up on her mom.......

 

Yes, unfortunately, these are the things we have to work against sometimes.  Boundaries....boundaries...the grandma is overstepping her daughter's boundaries and has probably done so all her life.  Whose kids' are they?

 

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Being rich is not about how much you have, but about how much you can give.

Our kids are always watching and learning from us. I learned from my mother today. My mother needed to renew her California ID Card. My son Andrew took her at 10am but said he had to leave by 1pm. I figured that was plenty of time...but it wasn't. At 1pm, I was at the local DMV trading places with him. I sat there for about 15 minutes and realized we were going to be there at least 2 more hours. My mom said she was hungry and I had not brought my laptop so I told her I would go home, make her a sandwich, get my laptop and come back. I made two honey, peanut butter and apple sandwiches and wrapped each half in saran wrap, separately. When I sat down next to her, I gave her two wrapped halves (she didn't know I had another two wrapped halves in my bag). The next thing I knew she was handing a half to the lady next to her - almost as soon as she was receiving them from me. Everybody was starving. That lady proceeded to cut her half in half to share with her friend. I pulled out another half sandwich and my mom gave it to her.

This quote, by the way, says: Being rich is not about how much you have, but about how much you can give.

This is so incredibly deep, because the more we give, the more we get. One of the greatest laws of this universe is the law of giving. So, give what you have of your – time, money, smiles, love, compliments, anything. Give your kids the example my mom gave me and they will be on their way to being rich!

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