Monday, April 22, 2013

Hiking and Your Chlld's Self-Esteem





DID AN AMAZING HIKE TODAY!   HIKING IS ONE OF OUR FAVORITE FAMILY ACTIVITIES.  MY GOAL WHEN MY SONS WERE LITTLE WAS TO TEACH THEM TO APPRECIATED NATURE AND APPRECIATE SPENDING TIME TOGETHER.  WHAT OCCURRED TO ME TODAY WAS THAT IT’S A GREAT WAY TO BOOST KIDS’ SELF-ESTEEM….ACTUALLY ANYONE’S SELF-ESTEEM!  WHEN A LITTLE 8 YEAR OLD GIRL, FOR EXAMPLE, DOES A CHALLENGING HIKE, SHE WILL FEEL GREAT ABOUT BEING THE ONE WHO WAS ALWAYS IN FRONT, OR BEING THE ONE WHO RAN CIRCLES AROUND HER PARENTS.  WHEN SHE GOES TO SCHOOL THE NEXT DAY, SHE WILL ALSO HAVE SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT……“WE DID THIS REALLY HARD HIKE….!”  JUST GETTING TO THE TOP OF THE HILL CAN MAKE HER FEEL PROUD OF HERSELF AND GOOD ABOUT NOT QUITTING EVEN THOUGH IT WAS HARD!!  THE OTHER GOOD THING IS THAT WE PARENTS CAN’T HELP THEM…EVEN IF WE WANTED TO….I KNOW I WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO CARRY AN 8 YEAR OLD.  ANYWAY, HERE ARE PICTURES OF THE HIKE I AM VERY PROUD OF HAVING DONE!  FOR MORE PICTURES:  
CLICK HERE FOR MORE PICTURES OF MISSION PEAK HIKE


FOR MORE INFO ON MISSION PEAK
 
SHARING IS CARING



Posted by at No comments:

Friday, April 19, 2013

"Like" if you've been to the moon! and share your memory...


This brings back such a fun memory.  Andrew, who was about 6 yrs old, made a rocket.  OK, I mean he got inside a big box he put in the living room and then asked me if I wanted to go with him to the moon.  I said, “yeah, sure!”  To which he answered, “well then, get in here!”  So I got in and laid down next to him.  He started the countdown in his official sounding voice and then said “Blast off!!”.  He then started to shake the box and make rattling noises. And then without missing a beat….he gave me the look.  The look of “hello??  Get with it…we’re in take-off……”  
Posted by at No comments:

What does Sergio Romo have to do with your kids and communication?


I gave a parenting class today at a middle school – the topic was communication.  The idea is that we all want to be able to influence our kids, meaning we would like to know how.  Aside from wanting them to do what we want, we would like for them to be open to our advice, suggestions and great wisdom.  The trick is making sure they don’t “close the door” on us.  In the class we reviewed all the communication strategies that don’t work and which only result in our kids “closing the door” but let’s get straight to the good part!  Let’s look at what works.

To know how to influence someone, actually anyone, it’s a good idea to remember what we all want.  In my opinion, we all want 3 things.  We want to belong, we want to be loved and we want to be understood. 

One of the great secrets to influencing someone, is to focus on understanding them, i.e., seek to understand.  This is not easy, because when we have some great pearl of wisdom or some great piece of advice, we can hardly wait to share it, to convey our message, to explain what we have to say.  But I just said that what we all want is to be understood, right?  So if we are focused on sending our message, we are not focused on receiving the message from our kids so they feel understood.  Since the SF Giants won last year, I’m going to use a baseball example (and no, I don’t know much about sports).  

Focusing on sending our message is like wanting to be like Sergio Romo, the pitcher.   However, to influence our kids, we need to make sure they feel understood.  What I am saying is that we need to be more like Buster Posey, the catcher!  I know…it’s not easy.  Who wants to be squatting for hours and who wants to be on the receiing end of a ball that’s coming at you at 90 mph.   
 No, it’s not easy to hold back on giving your advice, your suggestions and/or your wisdom.  We all want to go first….not second.  But we already have lots of experience with all the strategies that don’t work, so let’s try something different. Let's focus on "catching" (hearing/understanding) their message, first. These are not easy concepts, but they are effective. 
 
SHARING IS CARING






Posted by at No comments:

Monday, April 15, 2013

12 Most Uplifting Words and Phrases to Keep Handy and Ready to Use


To me, the phrases below epitomize self-love.  Self-love is having compassion with oneself and figuring out what we need, physically, emotionally, spiritually and making sure we get what we need, like say....sleep, for example!

And..... we all know by now that we can't love others if we don't love ourselves.  


Plus, substitute "you're" for "I'm" and you can use these phrases on your kids!


1. “We’re all learning”

2. “Get over it; move on”
3. “You’ve got this”
4. “I can”
5. “I’ll get there”
6. “Well done!”
7. “I’m making progress”
8. “Keep going”
9. “One step at a time”
10. “I’m worthy”
11. “I’m special”
12. “I’m loved”




12 Most Uplifting Words and Phrases to Keep Handy and Ready to Use:

SHARING IS CARING

Posted by at No comments:

Saturday, April 13, 2013

10 Steps to a Remarkable Family Culture



It’s all about company culture these days…let’s create a family culture!  Here’s how…
  1. Define your core values, i.e., never sacrifice quality (no short cuts), always do the right thing (even if it means paying more for a movie for your kid),
  2. Get in the Dunk Tank (hello….have fun with your kids!!!)  If not, the routine of waking up, eating, getting ready for school, school, homework and getting ready for bed will go on and on and on…
  3. Show your kids you care (really)…by not being late to pick them up, or by sitting down to listen to them tell you about their day.
  4. Hire for culture “fit”.  We can’t decide to hire or not hire our kids, but we can involve them in coming up with the family mission statement (the what) and core values (the how)…both of which are powerful “guiding lights”.
  5. Get rid of whiners….we can’t get rid of our kids, but we can get rid of their whining by saying “stop whining….tell me what you want”.
  6. Contribute to your local community.  Kids love to participate in school/park “clean-up” days, or homeless shelters parents.
  7. Get their feedback on what is working and what is not.  It’s called evaluate… J
  8. The power of praise…don’t underestimate it...”catch them doing good”.
  9. You are a teacher…better yet…a coach!  Inspiring and motivating them to do more than they ever thought they could.
  10. Commit to your higher purpose, i.e., your family mission statement.    http://www.inc.com/allison-fass/paul-spiegelman-build-remarkable-company-culture.html
SHARING IS CARING

Posted by at No comments:

30 Second Speech by Bryan Dyson – Former CEO of Coca-Cola


“Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them – Work, Family, Health, Friends and Spirit and you’re keeping all of these in the Air.
You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four Balls – Family, Health, Friends and Spirit – are made of glass. If you drop one of these; they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for it.”
Work efficiently during office hours and leave on time. Give the required time to your family, friends and have proper rest.
Posted by at No comments:

Thursday, April 11, 2013

My middle son turns 20...

Thinking about the day Matthew was born.... April 10th....Matthew Barney's birthday. He turns 20 today.




SHARING IS CARING

Posted by at No comments:

Sunday, April 7, 2013

If you are not going to do it, don't bother asking...

A week ago, a mother in one of my classes asked to speak with me after the class to say it was really difficult to get her 13 year old daughter to talk.  Since the topic was the LoveCup, and since the daughter was in the room and heard the whole talk, I asked her if I could ask her how her LoveCup was.  The daughter agreed, so I said, "ok....so......How's your LoveCup?"  She said, "I don't know........."  I told her she was the only one who knew the answer to that question and proceeded to try to help her figure it out by asking her if it was down to her ankles....(nope)...or to the top of her head....(nope) or to her waist.....(nope).  "ok.....", I asked, "...is it above or below your waist?"  She said it was above her waist to which I said, "that's great!  But what I want to know today is if there is anything your mom can do to fill it up a little more."  She said, "I don't know....."  "ok......do you like to bake?"  "No....", she said.  "ok....do you like to shop for clothes?", I asked.  "no.....", she said.  "ok....what do you like to do?" I asked.  "I like to play video games" she said as she lit up!  "oh......." I said, "would you like your mom to play video games with you??  "Yes", she said as she nodded enthusiastically. 

The mom who was standing next to her said defensively, "I've played with you before....."

"Wait......", I said, "she just gave you a very important piece of information.  She just told you what you can do to fill her LoveCup.  We're not saying you've never played with her."  "Oh....ok, I get it" said the mom.


So today....when I saw the mom, I asked her enthusiastically if she had played with her daughter?!  "Well, kind of...not really...ok, no....I didn't....", she said.  I could barely believe what I was hearing.  I proceeded to suggest she say something along the lines of the following to her daughter:  Mija (my daughter), I messed up...you told me something I could do to fill your LoveCup and the whole week went by and I didn't sit down to do that with you.  Can you give me another chance?  But this time, let's set a deadline and a consequence for me.  So, let's choose a deadline and let's choose a consequence for me.  So, if by Sunday night at 9pm, I have not sat down to play with you, I will give you $30.  The goal is to sit down with her to play video games, not to pay the $30.

SHARING IS CARING

Posted by at No comments:

Friday, April 5, 2013

She gets my vote...

One of the things I would like to do is start a fund, which would be funded by donations from individuals and businesses alike.  The purpose of the fund would be to give away a mini get-away / vacation for a struggling family on a monthly basis.  My thinking is that it would be a way for us as a community to do something to help strengthen family bonds of families that are still together.  A lot of times there are resources for people after they separate or after they encounter a crisis.  In my mind, vacations are bonding experiences where parents can give their children their undivided attention, create lifelong memories, while getting refreshed and re-energized.

The point of this blog initially was to let you know who I would choose this month!  She is the mother of 5 children ages 8-18.  The three oldest are girls, 14, 16 and almost 18 and the two youngest ones are boys.  I have to say, I cannot imagine being in her shoes.  Her husband died about 5 years ago; her oldest daughter was 13.  A year later she was got involved with an older guy who a few years later started abusing her physically and emotionally.  It was so bad that the daughter ended up in the ER and the mother was able to get a restraining order.  The daughter, however, kept going back to him and if he hadn't been convicted and sentenced to four years in jail, she would probably still be with him.  While with him, they burglarized the house of the mother's friend.  The mother refused to be responsible for the restitution and is making the daughter responsible for it once she turns 18.

She has been coming to my parenting classes for about 2 months now.  Other things I know about her are that she always cooks dinner and insists on the family eating together.  She also seems to have a lot of structure, like not only laundry days, but sheets and comforter laundry days. Oh and did I mention her youngest son has autism.  Again....she gets my vote!

SHARING IS CARING

Posted by at No comments:
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)