I WANT TO! / I GET TO! / I CHOOSE TO

My sons have been a continual source of lessons for me.  The other day, Matthew surprised me by something he said.  We were in the middle of a movie when the clock struck 9:00pm.  He got up, almost abruptly, and said “I get to go to bed now!” 

I’ve always been the type of person who likes to stay up.  I enjoy that quiet time, but I also now know that staying up is not a healthy habit.  And if I think about it, I’m not at my peak…how could I be?   I’m tired.  The next day we talked about what he said and he said that for him it’s not about having to go to bed.  He said he looks at going to bed as one of the things he gets to do after a long day.  He gets to rest! 

This made me think about some of the self improvement things we’ve all read or heard like:

I “want to” do something vs. I “must do” something

I “get to” do something vs. I “should do” something

I “choose to” do something vs.  I “have to” do something

Let’s think about why or how this would help us and/or our children.  The first thing that jumps out at me is how positive the statements on the left are!  

I believe the statements on the right are responsible for a majority of the procrastination we do.  The statements on the left implicitly remind you of the goal. Simply saying the words “want to” may in turn be a reminder to you that in doing this you will achieve a higher goal 9e.g., if I got to sleep early then I will be able to be at my peak the next day.  And as we’ve all heard, words are powerful and just saying you want to do something is a self-fulfilling prophecy.    “I get to do something” instantly makes it seem like you are rewarding yourself.   It reminds you of the blessing of being able to do that which you “get to” do, like just walking as your form of exercise.  In my mind I “choose to” appeals to our sense of independence.  We’re not doing it because someone is telling us to do something, we don’t feel forced to, we are choosing between two options.  I think people want to do the right thing, including our children.   

My main point is that if this negative phrasing/language is destructive and keeps us from accomplishing our goals, let’s give our children a head start and train them to eliminate this type of language now. 

Also, the wonderful thing about teaching children something is that they do not let you forget and later they’re teaching you the same thing!!!  

Games People Play

When was the last time you played a game with your children?  Who has time to play games when there are always dishes to be done, or laundry to be done or if you are just plain exhausted after a long day of work?  Besides, games are for kids who don’t have anything better to do; it’s a waste of time.

I don’t know if it’s because my parents never sat down to play a game with us, but I made a decision a long time ago to play games with my sons.  I became a single mom of three boys when they were 2, 4 and 12 which has meant playing everything from board games to dodge ball, to Sega, to arcade games to riding go carts.  (A lot of people I know would probably find it very difficult to believe that I do/have done all that with my sons.)  No, a lot of those activities are not my activities of choice, but I decided having fun together was something I wanted to make sure we did together.  I also realized that playing provided a lot of opportunities to teach them things and it was an easy (and cheap) way of giving them the one thing they wanted the most – my undivided attention…my time. 

My two youngest sons are now in high school and to my great surprise they started a board game club at the beginning of this school year.  When I asked them why they wanted to do that I was blown away by their answers which included: 1) we want to play the games we love – we have all these games but don’t get to play them very often, 2) playing board games gives us a chance to talk to each other – “kids mostly play video games cuz they are lonely”, 3) We want to have a club that doesn’t stress you out if you can’t make it one day – if you miss a day, it doesn’t matter,  and 4) we want to teach others how to play some of the games we know how to play – they were ecstatic to find someone else to play “GO” with.  With these answers, how could I say no to allowing them to take our precious games to school?  (Just in case, you’re curious, at the end I’ll write a list of games they took.)

If I have not yet motivated you to commit to playing games with your children, allow me to share other benefits of playing games, specifically board games:

• Games teach you to observe….everything.  They teach you to not give up, they can even teach you to laugh at yourself.
• Games teach you what it feels like to win!  This can be very helpful in the future with competitive sports or in their job.  Having the passion to win can motivate you to become more successful in life.
• Games teach you to negotiate and allow you to say “no” if the deal being offered is not a "win/win” deal.
• Games teach you to think ahead…to strategize.
• Games teach you to “read” people.
• Games can improve your skills; games can help identify your talents.
• Games like scrabble can teach you specific skills, like expanding your vocabulary. 

With that I hope I have convinced you that games are not just for fun, or a waste of time.  They are a wonderful way to spend time with your children.  Some things are best taught at home and many things are best taught by parents.  Why not commit to starting your own Board Game Club?  Do it for your family or go ahead and get the word out to others.  (Can you imagine getting to know the families of your sons and daughters’ friends??!!  I know, I know…a novel idea.)   Sometimes board games are an after-thought to another primary activity like a dinner, let’s make it the main event.