Can you imagine getting a new job and not being trained for your position? Can you imagine not getting trained on how to submit an expense report and it just keeps coming back to you “not approved”? Can you imagine not being trained on how to assemble something and finding out after the whole thing was assembled that this one part needed to be facing the other way for the final piece to be attached?
Think about how you might feel. Would you feel confident about keeping your job? Would be feel good about yourself knowing you did a good job. Probably not. In addition, everything would take much longer, because you would probably need to do it twice.
Sounds outrageous, doesn’t it? And yet, that is what we, parents, do sometimes. I remember setting up chores for my boys and giving Andrew, who was around 5 yrs old then, the chore of emptying all the bathroom trash cans. I remember walking in and seeing that yes, it had been emptied, but there was trash on the floor and no new bag in the basket. I started to call out with a raised voice, “AAAnnndrrewwwww….” When I thought, ‘wait a minute, I didn’t “train” him! The only thing I said was to empty the trash cans – which he had, technically, done. I called him and instead of telling him he didn’t do it right, I told him I had forgotten to train him and explained that emptying the trash cans meant removing the bag, picking up any papers that might have spilled out, and placing a new bag in the container. In other words, I took the time to train him.
We are notorious for assuming that our children know exactly what we mean. Just because they are your children does not mean they have special mind-reading powers. So, when you assign chores, be sure to “train” them for the job by making the expectation very clear. Thinking of it like a job description will help you remember to train them. If you want them to clean their room, explain what you mean by that. If you want them to clear the kitchen counters and you didn’t specify that that included the sink, don’t be surprised to come home to find everything in the sink. If you want them to take a shower, don’t be surprised if they get in, get wet and get out. Try to think about how you might go about training someone for that job if it was at work. Aside from writing a job description, you would show them exactly how to do something and you encourage them to ask questions if they were not clear about something. Do the same with your children.
We all love to please and our children are no exception. Your children will be very happy with themselves when they see how pleased you are with the job they did.
One final thought on this. Your job as a parent, i.e., a manager, also requires that you evaluate how well your children did their job. This responsibility should not be taken lightly, or ignored. In fact, when I set up our chores, I made sure to include under my list of responsibilities...Check to see if the chores got done and evaluate how well they were done. Doing this provides us with the opportunity to instill pride in a job well done. It also provides us with an opportunity to praise them for doing a good job and/or to help them improve and do better next time. It also provides us with an opportunity to make them feel like they are a critical piece of the puzzle and how things run smoothly when everyone does their part. I believe this is one way in which we can help them embrace responsibility.
Please do not ignore or neglect your “managerial” responsibilities. This is a very important responsibility you have as a parent. Everyone likes to be appreciated and we all know how it feels to have a manager (or parent) who only notices what you don’t do and never appreciates a job done well. Let’s be remembered as having been a great “manager”!
