The 90/10 Principle

The 90/10 Principle
Author : Stephen Covey ( Management Guru)

Have you read this before? Discover the 90/10 Principle. It will change your life
(at least the way you react to situations). What is this principle?

10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react. What does this mean?

We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%.

How? By your reaction. You cannot control a red light., but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.

Let's use an example. You are eating breakfast with your family. Your
daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just what happened. What happens when the next will be determined by how you react.You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for
knocking the cup over.

She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave
immediately for work.

You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and
throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your
spouse and daughter.

Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?

A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?

The answer is " D".

You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day. Here is what could have and should have happened.

Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "It's ok honey, you just need, to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush
upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.

Notice the difference? Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both
ended different.

Why? Because of how you REACTED. You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.

Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle. If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off)
Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive? Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.

You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job. The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse. Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it.

The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle.

The result? Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. We all must understand and apply the 90/10 principle.

It WILL change your life!!!

No Whining…..

Whining is a learned behavior. Babies cry when they need something. Toddlers do not have the vocabulary to express their needs/wants/feelings so whining becomes their way of communicating. By the time they can talk, however, children have realized that whining is an effective strategy to get what they want. If parents don’t recognize this, this becomes their way of communicating and can be quite annoying. So, how do we help our children “unlearn” how to whine. I have heard and read of all kinds of tips ranging from establishing “no whining” rules, to giving rewards for not whining, to saying something like “I can’t understand you when you talk with that voice; use your normal voice” to setting up a time for the child to complain. While these sound good, these tips were not enough, it was like dealing with the symptom instead of the problem.
As you may know by now…our children can be our greatest teachers. So, like with everything else, look at yourself first. Are you a whiner? When you trip over your kids’ shoes do you say “you always leave your shoes everywhere!” vs. “I want you to pick up your shoes right now”. If you feel disconnected from your husband do you say “we never go out any more” vs. “I would like you to take me out to dinner”. I think you get the point.
In my opinion, we whine/complain because we have not learned to say what we want. However, the bigger problem might be figuring out what we want. In order to say what you want, you need to first think about what you actually want. Before you start complaining about something, ask yourself “what is it that I really want?” The key here is recognizing that saying what you don’t want or like isn’t allowed. You need to figure out what you want and then say it.
You can help your children do the same thing. The next time they are complaining, say “stop, tell me what you want”. Their answers may surprise you. I remember one time, Andrew was 3 or 4 and was complaining, almost to the point of having a tantrum. I was able to get his attention and say “stop, tell me what you want”. When he answered “a glass of milk”, I couldn’t believe that was all he wanted.
So be on your guard for whining, from children and yourself, and get in the habit of saying, “Ok, what do I want” or “tell me what you want”. By doing this, you will not only eliminate the whining, you will be teaching your child to be part of the solution! A manager’s dream employee would be one who comes to him/her with solutions, right? In addition, you will be teaching your child to focus on the positive rather than on the negative. Don’t focus on what you don’t want, focus on what you want!
If we don’t learn to say what we want, as we get older, our efforts become more sophisticated, with the addition of manipulation techniques to our whining strategy, in an effort to increase our effectiveness in getting what we want. We have all been manipulative and/or have encountered manipulative people and know it’s not a good thing. So, again, I encourage you to do yourself and your child a huge favor and learn to recognize this behavior and change it in yourself and in your children.