Good grades seem to be what every parent worries about most. We all want our kids to succeed and whether we did good in school or not, we understand the importance of getting good grades.
My first encounter with this was when my oldest son, Joshua, was in high school. Here he was, a brilliant young man in 10th grade and he was failing.....I mean getting Ds and Fs. The same teachers that were giving him those grades were telling me how much they enjoyed his classroom participation and how insightful he was. I knew those grades did not reflect his ability. We all know that. We know how smart our kids are. We know how many facts they can remember. I remember him knowing every fact of at least 100 Pokeman. We know how mnay lyrics they can memorize. We know how many commercials they can recite word for word. These days our kids get labeled ADD or dyslexic at the first sign of mixing up some letters (OK, I know I'm exagerating) and we fall for it. We have strengths and weaknesses. None of us are great at everything. Yet when it comes to grades, we want our kids to excel in every subject. No, I'm not providing you with yet another reason to expect less of your kids or another reason to justify their poor grades. Before I tell you the secret, I'm just wanting to remind you to have a little more compassion for your kids - accept them as they are.....in a way, it's part of the secret.
So, what is the secret? The secret is to good grades is having a full love cup. In my opinion, grades are more about motivation than about ability. In Joshua's case, he just wouldn't do his homework and if he did, he would forget to turn it in. At first glance, this seems incomprehensible, yet when we think about it for a bit, I'm sure we can all relate to just not being motivated enough even to do those things which we know will hurt us if we do not get them done. So, in terms of good grades, the question we should be asking is: How do I motivate my child? To me this is paramount because as they grow up and get jobs, etc. they will need to know how to motivate themselves.
So...how do you motivate your child? The answer is very simple, make sure their love cup is full and/or overflowing! Focus on making sure they feel loved, which means making sure they know you accept them just as they are. Make sure they know you love them regardless of what their grades are.
Some parents will argue that that would be rewarding a bad behavior. The only thing I can say is that what you have been trying hasn't been working which is why you're still looking for a solution. And if what you have been trying hasn't worked, why not try something different.
Joshua, by the way, graduated from college in June 2008 with a very high GPA.
